Why cheating is okay

Some look at cheating as a black and white issue and others as one with many shades of grey. These differing viewpoints can cause big problems in any relationship. The question as to whether cheating is ever justified is both an ethical and moral one.

How does that explain the fact that it continues to happen then? Is it just poor impulse control? Yes, in many cases it probably is. In others, however, people will claim there are justifiable reasons for stepping out of the bounds of their relationship. But are these justifications really, well, real?

Turnabout as fair play is a common justification for infidelity. If you have been cheated on by your husband or wife, the desire to hurt your spouse the way you have been hurt can be strong, almost overwhelming. Even if you are patently against cheating it can be hard to resist the urge, and even harder if an opportunity is presented to you.

Not only does it not fix anything, it just adds to the problems. This is a tough one for many. Most men and women enjoy having sex on a regular basis. The test itself is largely arbitrary and often not meaningful. Organizations such as FairTest are devoted to sharing research that exposes the problems of bad testing practices.

The main arguments against cheating in school are that it is unethical, promotes bad habits, and impacts self-esteem through the attainment of an unearned reward. None of these concerns are even remotely valid because none consider the environment. Children are routinely rounded up and forcibly placed in an institution where they are subjected to a hierarchy that places them at the bottom.

Like the hostage, they are held captive even if they are not physically bound. They are deprived of any power over their own lives, including the ability to pursue their interests, and are subjected to a barrage of tests that have consequences for each wrong answer. Maintaining ethics is part of an unwritten contract of being a willing participant in a community. Students placed in school against their will and routinely disrespected have no obligation to adhere to the ethical codes of their oppressors.

If students feel bad for cheating, it is because the environment has created a set of conditions where cheating is necessary and justifiable. For this same reason, many students are proud that they cheat.

When another man approached her, Gloria acted on her attraction. This kind of story is common—and often the easiest to swallow for people who renounce adultery of any kind. But Marin says that cheating is almost never this cut-and-dry.

Instead, the person cheating is dealing with issues in their relationship with themselves. And so they look for an affair to fill some missing gap, fill some hole, help them figure out something going on within themselves. There may not be an issue in their relationship with their partner at all. But then an opportunity presents itself—an out-of-town trip; someone new is attracted to them—and things happen without any pre-planning or malice aforethought.

Cheating is not only a violation of trust, but also a betrayal of values. If the cheating partner has been in a relationship for a long period of time, it's about the excitement of an unexpected attraction. Attraction is another big part of variety. Some people in monogamous relationships might have a hard time not acting on those feelings of attraction. Having sex with a new person can lead to positive feelings.

You might feel empowered, attractive, confident, or successful. These feelings can build up your self-esteem. Many people who cheat because of self-esteem issues have loving, supportive partners who offer compassion and encouragement.

Receiving admiration and approval from someone new, on the other hand, can seem different and exciting. This is partly why some people will go to great lengths to keep their infidelity from their partner. Still, it can cause significant damage to a relationship.

You might want to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship. Your partner may or may not want to repair the relationship, and you need to respect their decision, even if you want to stay together. Working through infidelity can often strengthen a relationship. Saving a relationship takes work, but it's possible. Whether you're trying to make long distance work or dealing with a betrayal, we've got 22 tips….

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