Can you regret dumping someone

A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. There were so many things I loved about the relationship, but it was also starting to give me a tremendous amount of anxiety…So I broke it off. Am I wrong here? Is it normal to regret a breakup? Almost two years ago, I ended a relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry.

For nearly the entire duration of our relationship, we discussed future plans: our wedding, the names of our babies, the layout of our eventual vacation home. But, as I mentioned, we broke up. I argued with this feeling for months and then attempted to comprehend it in lengthy discussions with my friends, my therapist, and even my ex.

In the end, my desire to stop the emotional war within me overcame my desire to stay in the relationship, and here we are. Rather, the messy parts were internal. For months I debated whether or not the breakup was valid. After all, I missed him. It was as if my brain had turned against me and erased all of the bad feelings that had led to my breakup to focus only on the good.

Which sounds similar to what is happening with you and what happens with so many others. After a breakup, our brains tend to muddy the memories, and we latch onto the good parts of the relationship and forget about the bad. The dance parties in the kitchen, the long weekends in nice hotels…Forget about the screaming matches or crippling anxiety. Do you tend to make decisions from insecurities or fears?

If so, take time to explore your attachment style as well as the particular way you view your own needs and anticipate how willing other people will be to help you meet them.

To dive even deeper, read my book Why Good Sex Matters to help you better understand and operate your own attachment wiring. Have a look at some of these relationship skills that people who do relationships effectively practice. The good news is that these skills can be learned.

Each relationship holds an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how to partner with another. Through understanding aspects of your own relational road map, you can become a more complete person going forward. One tool is to think about how we, as a culture, view what we expect of ourselves and each other. Regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, there are power struggles that go on in our relationships that are heavily influenced by old, outdated notions of gender roles and expectations that drive conflict.

If you tend to be impulsive and rush into action without contemplation, you might be too quick to end a relationship and move on. Hence regrets. One aspect of our relational selves that could be better developed in us all is the "passive" role or the ability to observe ourselves and each other with curiosity and insight, without rushing into action or reaction.

The bottom line is that the more conscious and more flexible we are about what we expect of ourselves and each other, the better relationships will flow. Now that you have a better handle on what led to the breakup, think about organizing a conversation with your ex to explore what needs to be done in order for you to walk away feeling more complete with the relationship. See if you can find a way to let go with love.

You can send the letter or not. The most important thing is getting clear on your own growth through this experience so that you are one step closer to creating lasting love. I fought with myself a lot about that, but can now say with my head held high that it was not an unreasonable desire. This is your life! After we broke up, I was devastated. Ultimately I stuck it out and, sure enough, that all proved to be my grief talking.

My parents who have a great marriage, but are very different from each other have always said a lasting relationship is built on kindness, not a perfect match. I think a lot of us are at odds with their generation in this way. That may be the enduring challenge of life itself! Which do you think you are? You are not a monster for wanting something else. What you did was save yourself from a relationship you knew you would continue to find unfulfilling.

You answered your gut, in spite of your fear, and if you reread your question, you said as much yourself. I think your decision was ultimately a kindness to her, too. By Leandra M. By Daniela Guerrero. By Amalie MacGowan.